I’ve come along way from where I was. I was heart broken, at one point I was so ashamed of myself. I hated the person I was. I did a very bad and wrong thing, but in the end it made me realize it happened for a reason. When you cheat, you cheat for a reason. My reason was I just wasn’t happy. I friends saw it, my mom saw it, everyone saw it… but me. I convinced myself the relationship I was in was everything I have ever wanted. But it wasn’t. Being alone is a scary thing to think about, but I’m not as alone as I thought I was going to be. I have friends, I have family, and I have a future ahead of me. There isn’t a day I don’t think about everything. There isn’t a day Wesley doesn’t cross my mind. There isn’t a day I just wonder “what if” none of this ever happened.. would I still be with him? Would I be happy? Of course there is times I miss Wesley. Wesley had this way about him that made me not worry when I was worrying, or a way to make me not stress when I was stressing. He was special to me. He will forever be a memory in my life, but a memory is what he has to remain. I’m learning to realize I am okay to be on my own, I realizing it is possible for me to be happy and just do me. My one goal is to be happy. I know once I am happy everything else in my life will be perfect. So i’ll deal with the nights I’ll miss Wesley, but I no longer will race back to him. I will deal with the thought and eventually the day to come when he is with someone else. I will deal with everything as I continue to move on. I’ve come such a long way, there’s no reason to turn around now. 

In the process of finding closure for myself. It’s done and over with. Time to move on and let go. 

I feel like I’ll never be happy. I’m just a complete mess, good at hiding it I guess. 

Reflection on 2012—

2012 was a crazy year for me. Started out pretty rough, by March I found myself in an on/off relationship which ended in October due to my mistakes. I lost a lot of friends, for reasons I don’t really know. But I do have a lot of memories to look back on. I went to the Brad Paisley concert, which is my all time favorite singer. I got to enjoy my first real party, which was tons of fun. I did many things for the first time. I cared about another with all my heart, I faced a heart break… 2012 was just an all around good year, with some bad times. I learned a lot from 2012, that I know will be able to take me into the future and make positive changes! 

I am so nervous and curios what 2013 will bring me. I just want to be happy, if I’m happy I  don’t care about anything else.

Okay. I just wanted to get that out.  

Cheating was honestly one of those things that is so horrible, but it saved me from a hell hole. If I never did that I’d be on my knees still begging for you to be with me. I found someone who treats me great and I’ve learned I can live without to. So stay out of my life. peace. 

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